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Its amazing where chutzpah can get you these days in Indonesia.
We are told bu the newspapers today that Roy Suryo, a self-professed telemathics expert has now been appointed by President Susily Bambang Yudhoho to be the new Sports Minister to replace disgraced Andi Mallarengeng.
Unspun’s theory is that Roy was chosen to fill in the spot because he has a moustache. His predecessor also sported a moustache. SBY has a predeliction for moustachoid Sports Ministers.
Sounds ridiculous, you say?
Well, it may sound like an out of the world explanation but it is not more ridiculous than any other possible alternative explanations when you consider how Roy the Bpy rose to prominence, or notoriety, dependijng on your perspective.
He was a relative unknown until he began using evey opportunity at publicity to display his prowress in telemathics, his alleged field of expertise. That was fine inthe old days when the telephone was still widely used and the mobile phone was a relatively new thing.
When that avenue of punditry became dated Roy reinvented himself to be an expert on anything that hinted at technology. All of a sudden he was an expert in social media, the internet, sms messages and even in the verification of pornographic photos.
You got to give the man credit though. e was relentless and shameless in promoting himself as an expert for all seasons. And how comes his reward, a stint as Sports Minister.
What went on in SBY’s mind in considering Roy as a Sports Minister? Does SBY have a mind? All troubling questions but we can rest in the confort of knowing that whatever problems that SBY faces Roy will be on hand to lend his expertise.
Yet another case of men with dirty minds who blame women for the filth in their craniums.
For the sake of these easily stimulated men, they expect women to endanger their lives and sit sideways on a motorbike rather than straddling them if they are passengers.
No mention is made of whether women should do the impossible and still sideways if they are the rider rather than a pillion. Presumably a chick on a bike whether straddling or sitting sideways is too hot for religious wallahs.
Unspun’s favorite quote in this story, however, is Lhokseumawe Mayor Suaidi Yahya’s quote that “In Islam, women are not allowed to wear jeans.” Yeah, like jeans existed in the time of Muhamed.
The second best quote was the ultimate Indonesian putdown from Lawmaker Eva Kusuma Sundari who said “In Malaysia, pillion riders are obliged to straddle due to safety reasons. In this case, Malaysians are smarter than the Lhokseumawe administration.”
Ouch. To be considered more stupid than Malaysians. That must hurt.
Bagus BT Saragih and Hotli Simanjuntak, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta | Headlines | Thu, January 03 2013, 11:23 AM
Straddling the issue: A police officer stops a woman on a motorcycle in Simpang Mesra, Banda Aceh, on Tuesday as part of a crackdown on women in tight clothing. Officials in nearby Lhokseumawe are considering banning women from straddling motorcycles to improve local Islamic values. (Antara/Irwansyah)
The administration of Lhokseumawe, Aceh, is planning to issue a bylaw banning women from straddling motorcycles, arguing that the practice is “improper” in a province governed by Islamic law.
Lhokseumawe Mayor Suaidi Yahya said that women should sit sideways on motorcycles, with their legs dangling off to one side.
The planned regulation had been discussed with many parties, including local ulema, Suaidi said in his 2013 New Year’s speech.
The mayor said that the ban would restore fading local values caused by poor morality and make it easier to differentiate women from men when riding pillion.
He said that the planned regulation could in fact uphold the dignity of women in the region.
Suaidi said that the administration would begin publicizing the proposed regulation next week.
“At the first phase, we will issue a circular on it. After a period of time, we will strengthen the circular [into] a regulation. Anyone who violates the regulation will face punishment,” he said.
Suaidi also said that he had been considering banning women from wearing denim. “In Islam, women are not allowed to wear jeans.”
M. Yusuf A. Samad, a member of Lhokseumawe Legislative Council, said that he supported the motorcycle-straddling ban.
“We need to improve the implementation of sharia. The religious values of the Acehnese people have continued to fade,” he said.
According to Yusuf, straddling a motorcycle could make the curves of a woman’s body visibly clearer. “Showing the curves of a woman’s body is against Sharia,” Yusuf said.
Separately, the National Commission on Violence against Women (Komnas Perempuan) chairwoman Yuniyanti Chuzaifah slammed the plan, saying that it was prejudiced against women.
“I cannot understand the aims of such a policy. Local government should focus more on providing protection and service to women who fall victim to violence and enhancing education for women instead,” she told The Jakarta Post.
Lawmaker Eva Kusuma Sundari shared Yuniyanti’s opinion, saying that sitting sideways on a motorcycle could leave riders more prone to accidents.
“In Malaysia, pillion riders are obliged to straddle due to safety reasons. In this case, Malaysians are smarter than the Lhokseumawe administration,” she said.
“You cannot issue a policy only based on emotional sentiment that tends to be very subjective. A public policy must promote the protection of the public,” she added.
Women activists in Aceh have condemned the plan, calling it a lunatic proposal. “The way women ride a bike, how they speak and how they dress should not be the concern for the government,” Norma Manalu of Balai Syura Ureung Inong Aceh NGO.
Aceh, the nation’s westernmost province is the only region allowed to apply sharia under the law on Acehnese special autonomy. Lawmakers in the province have continued to spark controversy due to the issuance of a number of sharia-based regulations.
Among the controversial regulations are a bylaw regulating Koran-reading proficiency levels for prospective civil servants and a regulation banning women from wearing “tight” dresses.
Sorry, couldn’t resist punning with this but think how many more newspapers if the copyeditor had given it the headline above
Gresik, East Java. Semen Gresik, the country’s largest cement maker, saw record production last year and says more growth is on the horizon.
Cement production rose 18 percent in 2012, and revenue at the company is expected to reach Rp 19 trillion $2 million. “We hit a record in terms of production,” said the company’s president director Dwi Soetjipto in Gresik early this week.
The company produced a total of 22.6 million tons of cement last year. Revenue at the East Java-based cement maker rose to Rp 18.43 trillion in the first nine months of 2012 and net income was Rp 4.55 trillion in the period, according to data from the company.
That is more than the company’s total revenue in 2011 of Rp 16.4 trillion and its net income of Rp 3.9 trillion.
The vibrancy of a newspaper’s opinion page usually lies with the letters to the editor, arguing for or against a proffered opinion from its stable of writers.
By this measure The Jakarta Globe certainly has a vibrant editorial page, if only online.
The recent opinion piece by Berita Satu Media Holdings group publisher (below) is unorthodox, to say the least, in the ideas it expresses but the real gem there are the comments that its readers have posted. Not since the Globe’s Lady Gaga editorial has The Jakarta Globe attracted such diverse comments.
So Bravo Jakarta Globe for the vibrancy and efforts to keep free speech alive. Make sure you click on the link and go to the comments.
Thursday afternoon, at around 6:15 p.m., was a painful moment for me, a resident of Jakarta who had the noble intention of meeting with his deputy governor to provide input on efforts to overcome the city’s many problems. I appreciated the fact that Deputy Governor Basuki Tjahaja Purnama clearly wanted to engage with citizens and had quickly agreed to the meeting. But the experience soon turned into a bitter one because of the inappropriate behavior of the deputy governor and the presence of individuals who were not officials but who appeared to have an exclusive right to be inside the working office of the deputy governor.
As a citizen hoping for a sign that there would be something different compared to the leadership of the previous governor, I came with ideas I thought worthy of consideration — such as a short-term answer to Jakarta’s notorious traffic congestion.
I am fully aware that I am no expert in city planning, or an expert in overcoming transportation problems. But as a resident of the city, I feel called to contribute to progress. The idea proposed may not have been a holistic solution, but a leader should at some point have the courage to make a decision, no matter how hard this is, rather than basking in a never-ending discourse. Residents are tired of hearing their leaders complain or blame each other. What residents are waiting for are breakthrough policies that could at least signal that there is an effort by the government to improve conditions.
Back to the atmosphere at the meeting that afternoon.
After some brief small talk, I presented the idea to help reduce congestion through vehicle-color-based restrictions on certain roads — an idea that I have presented on various occasions since 2010. For this Thursday afternoon, I had prepared a paper explaining this effort, which I was to hand over to the deputy governor after the brief presentation.
The gist of my thinking is that whatever the policy undertaken by the government, it should at least show the public that it has the courage to try and take steps that could be implemented in a brief period of time. The most logical solution, I think, is to manage the traffic based on a restriction on vehicles. Of course, the government should at the same time work hard to prepare a solution that is more holistic and long-term.
However, I had not even completed my explanation of the main points before the deputy governor interrupted to say that there already is an abundance of studies on how to alleviate the city’s congestion. Some in a regulatory form, others involving a rejuvenation of the fleet of city buses and also long-term solutions through better management of macro transportation patterns. But whichever choice is made, these are not short-term solutions, as all would need time. Each proposal has its own weakness and could prompt protests from the public if implemented.
I do understand what the deputy governor was saying about the difficulties the authorities were facing, but as a leader, it would have been great if the deputy governor had been able to listen enthusiastically and respectfully — paying full attention to his conversation partner and allowing him to make his point.
But what happened instead? The deputy governor’s warm and friendly welcome was quickly overshadowed by a situation that was certainly not worthy of a deputy governor and his close entourage. While I was explaining the reasons for the visit that afternoon — to try and help create short-term breakthroughs to curb traffic congestion — the deputy governor was busy typing on his BlackBerry.
I initially thought the deputy governor was busy processing my input, but it turned out that he was in fact communicating with others. Even more painful was that while the deputy governor was busy with his own thoughts, a member of his staff repeatedly interrupted the conversation and addressed the deputy governor using the “loe-gue” jargon for “you” and “me.” I really did not get the impression that I was in the office of a deputy governor. Civility and protocol were simply ignored. This is something that is unacceptable in our culture.
The deputy governor’s attempt to strive for egalitarianism, to not overly crave respect and to try to avoid excessive protocol is commendable and should be supported. However, this does not mean that in a civilized society, the deputy governor’s working environment can do away with the spirit of respecting the institution of a deputy governor as a symbol of leadership. The loe-gue jargon is perfectly acceptable in daily interaction, but it is not appropriate for use in the official environment of a leader like the capital city’s deputy governor.
The encounter offers a valuable lesson for those who have chosen to dedicate their lives to public service: learn to be a role model for the people, learn to listen. And stop complaining and blaming each other, because now is the time to really do something.
Peter F. Gontha is the group publisher of BeritaSatu Media Holdings, of which the Jakarta Globe is a part.
So there you have it. According to a survey conducted by the Ulster University, reports detik.com, Indonesian men are a more gifted lot than their neighbors with Singapore and Malaysia trailing a few millimeters behind. The survey claims that Indonesian men are actually the most gifted of the lot in Asia.
The survey also says that the World’s Biggest Swinging dicks belong to the Congolese at 18.3 cm, while the North Koreans fall short of everyone else at a mere 9.65 cm with their Dear Little Leaders.
Unspun is left puzzled by the purpose of the survey and am innately curious about the empirical data gathering methodology used.
Jakarta, Membandingkan ukuran alat vital pria Asia dengan bule Amerika jelas tidak adil karena dalam hal ini ras dan etnis sangat mempengaruhi. Untuk etnis Asia, khususnya Asia Tenggara dan Asia Timur, pria Indonesia boleh bangga dengan ukuran alat vitalnya.
Sebuah penelitian terbaru yang dilakukan Prof Richard Lynn dari Ulster University menunjukkan panjang rata-rata alat vital pria Indonesia adalah 11,67 cm. Angka ini lebih tinggi dari Malaysia yang panjang rata-ratanya 11,49 cm dan Vietnam yang hanya 11,47 cm.
Rata-rata untuk etnis Asia Tenggara secara keseluruhan menurut penelitian ini adalah 10,95 cm. Negara yang panjang alat vital penduduk prianya berada di bawah rata-rata adalah Thailand (10,16 cm), Filipina (10,85 cm) dan Kamboja (10,04 cm).
Selengkapnya, ukuran rata-rata panjang alat vital pria di negara-negara Asia Tenggara dan Asia Timur menurut penelitian ini adalah sebagai berikut:
Indonesia 11,67 cm
Singapura 11,53 cm
Malaysia 11,49 cm
Vietnam 11,47 cm
Jepang 10.92 cm
China 10,89 cm
Filipina 10,85 cm
Taiwan 10,78 cm
Thailand 10,16 cm
Kamboja 10,04 cm
Korea Selatan 9,66 cm
Korea Utara 9,65 cm
Secara global di seluruh dunia, penelitian Prof Lynn ini menempatkan:
1. Republik Kongo di urutan pertama dengan rata-rata panjang alat vital 18,03 cm.
2. Ekuador (17,78 cm)
3. Ghana (17,27 cm).
Sedangkan posisi paling buncit dari 113 negara yang disurvei ditempati Korea Utara dengan 9,65 cm.
Seperti yang sudah-sudah, penelitian untuk membuat peringkat negara berdasarkan panjang alat vital penduduk pria selalu mengundang kontroversi. Kali ini Prof Lynn juga dikritik karena hanya menggunakan data yang dihimpun dari internet termasuk dari situs targetmap.
“Ini adalah penelitian yang sangat berani di ranah yang kontroversial, tetapi data yang didapat sama sekali tidak memakai metodologi,” ujar salah seorang ilmuwan yang mengkritik, yakni Prof Jelte Wicherts dari Tilburg University seperti dikutip dari Telegraph, Senin (1/10/2012).
This must qualify for one of Unspun‘s shit-for-brains tag. The Government wants to give state cement maker Semen Gresik a higher international profile.
So one of the thirst things it wants to do to make this happen is to change its name. Fair enough. Semen doesn’t exactly travel well when it crosses linguistic borders, especially in the lingua franca of international trade, English.
So in the tradition of solving the wrong problems precisely the Government is planning to change Semen Gresik’s name to – wait for it – Semen Indonesia!
Happy Friday and enjoy the weekend coming up.
.State Enterprises Minister Dahlan Iskan said Semen Gresik, the country’s biggest cement maker, would change its name to Semen Indonesia in an effort to raise its international profile.
The change must be approved by shareholders, which could happen in October or November, the minister said on Tuesday. After the change is official, Dwi Soetjipto, the president director of Semen Gresik, will become chief executive of Semen Indonesia.
Dahlan said President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono had already signed off on the new name.
Semen Indonesia would group several cement makers, including Semen Padang, Semen Tonasa and Semen Rembang.
Dwi said the company was working to finalize the brand change, which he hoped would lift its international image and name recognition. All of the operational details that go along with the change should take about a year to complete, he added, without providing details.
Unspun is ever in awe of the multi-talented Roy Suryo, telematics expert, House member and generally expert at anything hinting of technology that his huge intellectual capacity and his ego can encompass.
His latest feat of expertise was taxed when he was called to verify if a the image in the likeness of a Parliamentarian was actually the Parliamentarian (see story below).
Roy’s response? The woman on tape looks like the woman in photos given to him; the man on tape couldn’t e verified because he had only received screen grabs from the video instead of actual photos to compare with.
Now, Unspun wonders how much Roy charges for this expert “analysis,” leading to such startling conclusions?
House Commission I member Roy Suryo said he was almost certain that the woman in the tape was a House Commission IX member with the initials K.M.N. Roy made the conclusion after comparing photos of the woman with screenshots from the tape. “It’s hard to deny it, although I can’t say 100 percent that the [woman] is K.M.N. after I compared it with her photos,” Roy said after submitting his analysis to the Ethics Council. Roy said he could not identify the man in the video because he only received photos from the tape and had not seen the tape. To avoid a conflict of interest, Roy asked the Ethics Council to find other telematics experts to analyze the photos and tape. “As a House member, I should avoid conflicts of interest and politicization [of the case] because no matter what I say, I would be accused of having a vested interest since the two lawmakers are from different factions than mine,” the Democratic Party politician said.
I don’t know about you but the story by the ever fascinating Elizabeth Pisani who’s traveling in East Indonesia right now makes me feel all queasy – especially where they shove ball bearings, biro parts, human hair and horse hair into their penises – all in the believe that size matters.
Men who laugh at the lengths women go to with their plastic surgeons to make them look attractive should read this article.
But horse hair???
A statue outside a health centre in Enarotali, in Indonesian Papua
Reading the newspapers in cities across Papua, I cannot help but notice the full-colour ads for penis extensions. In only half an hour, with no invasive anything, men can see their organs grow, thicken, harden, for ever. The ads are explicit about the results, down to the last half centimetre; clients can choose both the length and girth of their organ, up to 20 cm by 6 cm (the more modest promise diameters of just 5.5). All of this with just some magic oil and a few prayers, guaranteed free of side effects. The “Specialists in Vital Organs” promise services for women, too, tightening up our fannies “until you are like a maiden again”. And for both sexes, they will pray away our sexually transmitted infections.
Why the obsession with sex organs, and why especially in Papua? Are people encouraged by the blatantly erotic sculptures that are common in these parts? Do migrants from other parts of Indonesia feel inadequate on arrival in Papua, or do they feel the magic will be especially potent in the nether regions of the nation? And isn’t it mildly ironic that all of the people offering their dick-swelling charms claim to be from Banten in western Java, where mystics sometimes break their fasts by eating light-bulbs? They offer other mystical services too: tying down your spouse, implanting a protective aura, ensuring you get promoted or elected. But most of their force is expended on delivering: “What other people only promise, we prove with results that are Large and Long”.
It turns out that the penis obsession is not, in fact, confined to the tens of thousands of immigrants from the rest of Indonesia who have been sucked east by Papua’s booming economy. I learned this when I asked a Papuan nurse in one of the province’s largest hospitals what brought men to outpatient services. Three things, he said: injuries resulting from violent fights, injuries resulting from traffic accidents, and prison. Prison? Do people get sick in prison? “No, that’s the penis stuff.” Prisoners, Papuans and others, are operating on one another’s members — inserting ball bearings and biro parts, threading hair through the urethra. A doctor friend who ran an STI clinic in Papua for many years says he saw a lot of penises embellished with horse hair, but the nurse said since that’s in short supply in prison people weave ornaments from their own locks. Not surprisingly, many of these go septic, hence the hospital visits.
My doctor friend blames the porn industry for the penis-plumping craze. “People watch these porn films where everyone has a giant dick, and they begin to think that that’s the norm.” Certainly porn films are enough of a norm in Papua to have their own nickname: “film o-ya”. The name derives from the script, which in many films does not go much beyond the repetitive groaning of “Oh yah!, Oh yaaaaaah! Oh yaaaaaaaaah!
A more serious aside: data newly released by the Indonesian Ministry of Health show that one in four of the Papuan women who are selling sex to their men-folk on the streets of the Papuan highland town of Wamena are infected with HIV, while well over half have another STI. Perhaps because condoms don’t fit snugly over the horsehair, three in four of these infected highland women are not using protection with their partners.