Dumb and Dumber: From Alexis to 4Play

Not since Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels created the characters of lloyd and Harry in Dumb and Dumber has there been anyone as stupid as the celluloid characters as the present Gakbener Anis an and his deputy Sandi.

Jakartans who had been used to the former Governor Ahok talk sense and being straight forward have been marvelling at the amount of nonsense that has issued from the mouths of the City’s own Dumb and Dumber.

Ok, Lloyd and Harry had better hats but Anies and Sandi have their own head gear too. And they certainly can’t beat Anies and Ini in the dumber sweepstakes.

The remarkable thing is that just when you thought they could not get lower in IQ, they excelled themselves and set new records. Today’s statement on the Brothel Once Known as Alexis takes the cake.

Alexis, apparently has repurposed itself into a sports complex and its changed its name to — wait for it– 4 Play. (I shit you not! see the clip from Kompas TV below)

Asked to comment on this development Dumber, aka Sandi, explained that people should not think of Alexis’s rebirth as 4 Play.

“They may want to repent,” he said. “If this is the case then they should be allowed to do so.”

He added that before as Alexis the established depended on entertainment as its business but now as 4 Play it was probably based on lifestyle and sports.

How is all of this possible? In the real world this would have been impossible because:

  1. The news readers would not have been able to keep a straight face when reading the news
  2. The reporters would have killed themselves with laughter when Sandi so ingenuously mentioned the name 4 Play and seemingly thinking that lay meant something to do with sports.
  3. No person with some education from an English-speaking country (Sandi graduated from Wichita University in Kansas, the same state as where Dorothy from Wizard of Oz started off on her journey to Munchkinland) could be so clueless as not to spot the double entendre in the name 4 Play.

But all this has come to pass. The worst thing about this incident is that we have four more years of Dumb and Dumber to listen to.

Maybe we should all go and work out at 4 Play instead?

 

My Republic broadband sucks for me. What’s your experience like?

I few months ago we switched from Play Media as a broadband provider because their service sucked – the speeds got slower and there was no good follow-up customer service.

We switched to My Republic because a friend had said that their speeds were rather good. What we found was worse. Not only did the speeds not live up to that advertised. To make things worse not only were the speeds slow

The My Republic/Sinar Was promise: 300Mbps. Weeeeee!

The reality: Not even 2% of the promise where downloads are concerned. Let’s not even talk about the uploads.

the entire connection continuously broke down and the internet connection was sporadic.

We complained on 27th May and was sent he standard line that they’d check the system and get back to us within 1X24 house, and if there was anything wrong, they’d send their technicians to sole the problem in 3X24 hours. Then silence in the 1X24 hours and 3X24 hours period and beyond.

We complained to My Republic again on June 1 and the same thing happened.

So we called again today and we get the same stock answers. This time I put my foot down and asked to speak to the supervisor. After some waiting I spoke to Henny Sahaja (because she won’t give me her full name). She said they needed to forward the complaint to the technical side, who would then inform me in 1X24 hours…

What is it with huge conglomerates like Sinar Mas who, just because they have the money and the know-who, think they can branch into a profitable service industry and make a success of it? They can’t get the infrastructure right, they can’t get the simple customer service right…and the only thing keeping them in business is that they have been around for a long time, have the right connections and the market is so protected against the entry of kick-ass multinational broadband providers.

What I can’t get is whether these people running such sham services have no sense of pride or shame, that they could do such a bad job at it.is there any use bringing into the attention of My Republic outside Indonesia? They didn’t respond to tweets in the past.

So, anyone out there know a reliable, good broadband providers?

 

 

 

 

 

Breaking potential crisis: Telkomsel and its hacked website

Crisis Management Students: Fire up your twitter apps and browsers and train them on Telkomsel’s website and their Twitter responses.

Someone has hacked into Telkomsel’s website and filled it with vitriol and animal references –  and being generally lauded by netizens for doing so.

Although hacking is a crime and should be condemned. The hackers are instead getting plaudits because for years Telkomsel has been perceived to be arrogant, expensive and treating its customers with contempt.

There is a marketing and customer service lesson here somewhere that tells the story of how you may be dominant in a market but not loved. If only a competitor could get its act together and run a disruptive campaign enlisting Freedom Fighters against obscurantism, bad service and expensive service, you’d be toast.

In the meanwhile Telkomsel’s Twitter handle is telling all and sundry that they are restoring the website so people can use them again, as if nothing untoward has happened.

More: something’s very wrong or it’s just absolutely bad timing when your agency peeps posts this just as the issue is escalating. 


 

 

 

Who let the dogs out? Malaysia vs Indonesia’s Amazing Race to the Bottom

Most of your would be unaware of it but there is a relentless race between two neighboring and competing nations Malaysia and Indonesia.

It is a race to the bottom of the IQ ladder by its religious wallah. You know the type, using the name of religion to to impose their stupidity on others.

 

The state of play yesterday was this: Malaysia fired its first salvo when the Malaysian Islamic Development Department (Jakim) said pretzel store franchise Auntie Anne’s change the name of its “Pretzel Dog” to “Pretzel Sausage” lest it confuse and alarm Muslims.

The dog is an unclean animal, according to some Muslims, so using its name would make things unclean. Presumably Jakim will soon order name changes to Hamburg and hamburgers, Swine Fever, pig iron and order a revision of the nursery rhyme featuring three little piggies.

Rename ‘Pretzel Dog’ to ‘Pretzel Sausage’, Jakim tells Auntie Anne’s – Nation | The Star Online

PETALING JAYA: The Malaysian Islamic Development Department (Jakim) has recommended that pretzel store franchise Auntie Anne’s change the name of its “Pretzel Dog” to “Pretzel Sausage” in order to receive a halal certification.    “It is more appropriate to use the name ‘Pretzel Sausage’,” said Jakim’s Halal Division director Sirajuddin Suhaimee.    “The improvement process is being conducted from time to time.  “Malaysia’s good name as a pioneering ‘halal global’ figure needs to be improved.  “To avoid this issue at the global stage, the panel has decided not to use such a name,” he said via WhatsApp Tuesday.   In a statement earlier, Jakim clarified that the body did not label Auntie Anne’s as not halal.  Jakim explained that Auntie Anne’s food products were in the process of getting a Malaysian halal certification.  It said that this was done after some improvements to the franchise’s application.  This week, Jakim’s rejection of Auntie Anne’s halal certification application went viral on social media and blogs, with many Muslims questioning the halal status of the food items.

Read more

Not to be outdone,  the Indonesian team represented by the Indonesian Ulema Council issued a fatwa against speed bumps.

Its rationale: Speed bumps because they are “harmful.” It is unclear whether the ulemas have mistaken the word bumps with humps because Unspun’s been told that if you’re going at reckless speed while humping it may result in injury.

Indonesian Ulema Council in Samarinda issues fatwa saying speed bumps are haram

As the sole independent entity entrusted to inform Muslims in Indonesia as to what is or isn’t forbidden, the Indonesian Ulema Council (MUI) has issued many questionable fatwas (rulings based on an interpretation of Islamic law by a recognized authority) in the past, which have included everything from theprohibition of playing Pokemon GO to being homosexual, which they said should be punishable by death.

Some might argue that the MUI is doing what they believe is in the best interests of all Muslims with their fatwas, which is why this one is oddly counterintuitive.

The MUI branch in Samarinda, East Kalimantan issued a fatwa against road speed bumps of all things, because they are supposedly harmful.

“If a speed bump disrupts road users, then it’s makruh (advised against but not sinful). But, if it claims lives, then it’s haram,” said MUI Samarinda head Zaini Naim, as quoted by Tempo on Sunday.

Read more…

With the score being 1-1 we are all at tenter hooks on what the outcome of the race will be. Will Malaysia counter with another stab stupider than this dogged approach? And if so, will Indonesia strike back with a big fatwa?

Only time will tell.

WTF: Minister blames parent after 14 youths rape 14-year old girl

This is bizarre.

A 14-year old girl named Yuyun dies after being raped by 14 youths. Who is to blame?

While others my pussyfoot about social factors and whether the victim or the rapists are responsible, the Minister for Women’s Empowerment and Child Protection is not burdened by hand-wringing.

She knows exactly who is to blame: The parents of Yuyun.

They are responsible, the Minister told a parliamentary Commission hearing, because they had left the child alone at home when they went out to their fields to farm.

News articles covering the hearing did not say if the Indonesian President  has ordered any psychological tests on the Minister for imbecility.

Menteri Yohanna: Kasus Yuyun Salah Orangtua – News Liputan6.com

Liputan6.com, Jakarta – Hari ini Komisi VIII DPR melakukan Rapat Dengar Pendapat (RDP) dengan Menteri Sosial Khofifah Indar Parawansa, Menteri Pemberdayaan Perempuan dan Perlindungan Anak (PPPA) Yohanna Yembise, Ketua Komisi Perlindungan Anak Indonesia Asrorun Niam, dan Polri yang diwakili oleh Kepala Badan Reserse Kriminal (Kabareskrim) Anang Iskandar.

Dalam rapat, Menteri Yohanna sempat menyebutkan kalau ada faktor kesalahan orangtua di kasus perkosaan.Ia pun mencontohkan kasus pemerkosaan Yuyun, gadis 14 tahun di Bengkulu yang meninggal usai diperkosa 14 laki-laki.

“Kasus Yuyun itu yang salah orangtua. Orangtuanya sudah beberapa hari di kebun. Bagaimana mau memperhatikan anak itu?” kata Yohana saat RDP di Kompleks Parlemen Senayan Jakarta, Senin (30/5/2016).

Menurut dia, kondisi di keluarga mempengaruhi kasus kekerasan seksual. Oleh sebab itu, Menteri Yohanna meminta agar ada tindakan ke keluarga. “Sanksi ke orangtua harus kita perhatikan juga,” ucap dia.

Read more…

The Bomoh’s back with five watermelons to keep things cool

The Malaysian bomoh(shaman, medicine man, con man whatever you call them) Ibrahim Mat Zin, who won notoriety for his antics involving a magic carpet, several coconuts and some nuts serving as acolytes in the search for the missing MH370 is now back.

Never mind that his methods did not yield any results in the search for MH 370 (the plane is still missing and nobody in the temporal or spiritual realms seem to have a clue of its whereabouts), the good witchdoctor remains undaunted and altruistic.

The bomoh at work trying to find MH 370

Like the caped crusader who cannot resist doing good whenever calamity strikes, the Bomoh has now trained his spiritual sights on the dry and hot spell affecting Malaysia.

This time, the Bomoh, who seems to have a penchant for local fruits has enlisted the help of five watermelons and four funny looking acolytes.

Will the Bomoh succeed this time when rather bureaus and modern science has failed? Only time will tell but Unspun, in his communion with the spirit realm, has divined that after the Vernal Equinox, where the sun gets closest to the earth and therefore makes it the warmest day we’ll experience, tomorrow, things will cool down.

The spirits, however, are silent on whether it is The Bomoh’s handiwork that will result in the cooling of Malaysia, out of professional courtesy.

 

 

 

 

The Trump Ogoh-ogoh

The ogoh-ogoh are effigies built for the Ngrupuk parade on the eve of Nyepi that took place yesterday.

Ogoh-ogoh usually are fashioned after mythological beings or demons and they represent the Balinese people’s spiritual or temporal aims.

Often they also serve as social  or political commentary. Hence this year they had an effigy    of the sea god Baruna crushing a backhoe, the symbol of the unpopular move to reclaim Benefits oa Bay by some business interests.

What does it mean then when they have an ogoh-ogoh of that grotesque short-fingered demon Donald Trump? What manner of demon slouches toward Kuta Beach?

Trump

The ogoh-ogoh are usually burned at the end of the parade. Anyone with a photo of The Donald going up in flames?

(Thanks Adri for forwarding the photo).